I've lived with Autism my whole life. Well, since I've been 3 anyway. Each day presents new challenges and opportunities. Some more noticeable than others. Some harder than others. And some that may seem minor (or nothing) to you, but are major to me.
Recently, I've had more time to reflect and re-prioritize my personal life, which is something I've been thankful for. A big part of my life is sharing my story. The story that has given me so much and has allowed me to do so much. For those that know me, everything may seem perfect on the outside and happy glory. But to tell you the truth, that is not the case all the time. Everyday, there is something that most don't pick up on, or at least not immediately.
In this first post, I want to dive into the life of Autism as an adult, especially for me and the daily effects it has on my life. If I can help one other person who may be going through the same thing, I've done my part.
Communication
You would think that communicating is no problem for me. On the outside that is true. I speak to children, adults, small and large groups, and have meetings all the time. But on the inside, it is still a major challenge. It's just different than it was when I was younger. When I was younger, I had to learn how to speak and the context of it all. Now, I'm having to navigate context in different situations. Today, I have to juggle a lot that is happening in the environment that is different than my childhood. Not only verbally by physically as well. What you may be communicating, may come across as something completely different to me. And that can be extremely frustrating when you are trying to understand people.
Social Cues
Let's talk about social cues. Both verbal and physical. Some are more obvious than others. But there are some that I don't quite always realize in the exact moment or time. Sometimes I realize it and other times I don't. Sometimes it takes me months (or years), to realize. It has and continues to be a major challenge for me, and in certain moments, incredibly frustrating. I didn't have the normal college life. I was running a non-profit, working for another one, all while focusing on my education. It mean't that I missed out on some typical experiences that others had. And I was fine with that. I knew the sacrifices I would be making. In result, I've had to work twice as hard sometimes to understand what is happening in the environment around me. I have messed up at times on this front. Some minor, and others major with consequences to deal with.
Relationships
Ah, relationships. Scary, right? I don't mean just those type. All of us have relationships in life. All on different levels. Professional and personal. Some more involved than others. I've had many in my life on a professional level. I've had great friends in my life, many whom are still there today, even though they've changed naturally over time. Personal ones have always been hard for me, especially those more involved. Part of it is because I don't do well at reading certain social cues, as you read above. It's a major flaw that I've had to work on but is a challenge as an adult with Autism now. It's a real struggle when you get into situations that are tough to understand or comprehend in the moment. Even processing them is flawed because your mind is in the moment or space where it can't think straight or is distracted by other things happening in your life as well. And sometimes, emotions get the best of you in those situations. This has happened to me, and oftentimes I get stuck and have to get myself out of those situations. And sometimes, it doesn't happen the cleanest way.
Stress and Anxiety
We all live with stress and anxiety. There is good stress and bad stress. Same with anxiety. I have an anxiety disorder that I've lived with my entire life. It makes situations incredibly challenging to navigate everyday. Even though I may look fine on the outside, I am freaking out on the inside in those situations. And sometimes that does appear on the outside. Usually through pacing, shoulders tensing, face becoming red, trying to stay distracted, eyes watering, and not thinking straight. Some of it is triggered due to social cues and some due to everyday life situations. Driving long distances, reading people, trying to solve problems, or worrying about something that is not even a problem, are just some examples. I am a founder & CEO of a non-profit, I run a consulting business, I serve on various committees, and I work for a start-up company. I have a lot going on in my life. That stress I know how to deal with, and sometimes, I have to take a step back (or have someone nudge me) and re-evaluate what I am doing. But when it comes to personal situations....well, I struggle with that on instances. It's not easy and in many cases, and is frustrating for someone who is a young adult.
In conclusion, the everyday life for an adult on the spectrum can be hard. But it can be exciting as well. And it's all part of the journey that we are all on, and it requires us to think one step at a time!
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