We all have flaws and make mistakes of our own. Some larger than others. Some that we don't realize in the moment, and some that we mistakenly got ourselves into. And that can be an awful feeling, especially when you don't know what you necessarily did. But regardless, no matter the situation, you have to own it!
Throughout my life, I've had many flaws. Some more noticeable than others. For example, I am not the best when it comes to carrying on a conversation all the time or reading situations that could be interpreted in multiple ways. It requires me to pay closer attention and understand what is happening in the environment I am. It requires me to work twice as hard to listen to every key detail so I can process what is happening around me. Sometimes it impacts my judgement on how to react or what to say in that moment. Sometimes it is overwhelming to deal with. The wrong thing may come out of my mouth, but thankfully people knew what I mean't. This wasn't intentional, but just because I needed more time to process what is going on around me. But in those situations, I have to own that and improve on those flaws!
Mistakes. I can't even count the number of times I've made a mistake in my life. All the way from childhood. Mistakes included how to handle friendships, how to deal with failures, how to approach difficult conversations, and how to safely interact with others. Some mistakes were minor. Others were major and took a long time to recover from. Those were painful to deal with and in some cases, continue to be. Just recently, I handled a few things not in the best way. It created tension and in that moment, I didn't fully realize it. I have to own that.
Failures. Similar to mistakes, I've had several failures. They may seem closely aligned, but I think of failures slightly differently. For my entire life, I've failed at numerous things. For years, I was afraid to fail because I didn't know how others would react. But what I learned is that with hard work and dedication, that I would be giving my best effort. Even if the grade or score was not reflecting of that. I was taught to shoot for the stars and aim high. That's why my mentality is to always strive for 150% in anything that I do. But I've had to learn that it's ok to lower expectations to a consistent 100%. Chasing for that 150% (or perfection) drains you out. I'll admit, it has for me at times. Do I regret chasing that 150% however, I wouldn't have learned any other way. I've learned by doing things, falling flat on my face, and then getting back up to try again. And it's tough doing that over and over again. But doing so has opened so many doors for me and it continues to. Some doors close in the process. But others open up too. And that's why I work hard to share my self advocacy experience with others through the many projects I'm involved in, including what questions to ask, what to keep in mind, and how to support adults you to better support others in becoming a stronger self advocate. It takes time...patience in many cases.
I don't want to say that I am proud of my flaws, mistakes, or failures. Because I am not. But what I am proud of is how they made me better and stronger. And that is sometimes the lesson to be learned. Not what you did, but how you are going to fix it and learn from it so it doesn't happen again. And sometimes it takes a lot of soul searching or reflecting. And that's ok. Do it though.
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